Ingredients: One (or two) packages of Sumyang Smack Ramen noodles. These are sometimes on sale at super saver (or slack 'n' slave) 10 for $1. If you sell 3 or four of your Warrant, Lynch Mob, and Trixter CDs, you can usually buy a whole case of these--enough for a month (or until the tax refund shows up, whichever is longer).
Technique: Throw away the msg-laden spice packets. Alternatively, place the entire contents of the packet in your mouth and swallow hard. The msg rush will keep you going strong! Next, cook the holy hell out of the noodles. I'm not talking about just boiling them, I'm talking about immersing them in 300 degree water for at least 10 minutes. They'll scream and cry and beg to be let out, but don't you let 'em--cook those noodles until the heat in your slack kitchen is so intense, you look like Arnold Schwarzenegger on the surface of Mars in that old movie. Next, drain the noodles (hopefully you have a colander, if not, you can improvise with an old speaker grill--metal ones work best, but cloth ones are OK too. Then, let the noodles cool to an edible temperature, saturate with Kraft parmisan cheese. Douse in tobasco sauce, or any cayenne-pepper based solution. Enjoy with a cold Natural Light. Slack Appetit!
Ed Slack used to own a pair of those plastic black thick horn-rimmed glasses that most of the hipsters used to wear before they realize how fuggin stupid they look. One day, Ed came home and decided it was time to see what happened to his glasses (his only pair, by the way) if he boiled them in super-hot molten water.
The rationale was this: Think about how GROSS your glasses are after just sitting on your face for years and years. All your dead skin, skin oils, cigarette ashes, urban pollution, etc--all sticks to your glasses. Oh sure, you whip out the windex once a month and wipe them clean, but what about the actual frames? Gross out!
So here's how you do it.